Maybe Its Me

It’s almost time for the holidays again. Ugh, so weird to not be excited. Halloween, Thanksgiving and then the best Christmas. This is my favorite season. True enough, life with my ex was hard, so hard, but I miss the hub bub of Christmas when I was there. Christmas dinner was anything from traditional ham, turkey, mashed potatoes and all the sides you would expect to Italian Beef Chicago style from Lonnies over by Trinity high school in St. Matthew’s.

We played White Elephant, where everyone brings something worth no more than twenty five dollars wrapped. You put them all in the center of the room and everyone takes turns either keeping the item or stealing something that someone else already unwrapped. It was fun because some people brought silly things like a brand new Snuggle or whatever that annoying blanket you can wear is called.

Perfect White Elephant Gift lol

Where did all those people go? Some moved across Country and so many were by blood, HIS family. Needless to say they arent inviting me to any parties for the holidays. I miss some of those people. It almost feels like none of it was real…those friendships.

Did any of it even happen?

Weird…I know.

Sometimes I question walking away. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Nothing I ever did was right. Even down to making the bed, all sides had to be tucked a particular way.

Christmas being lost didn’t occur to me as I escaped, but it’s definitely a consequence.

You’d think within a year I would have built some relationships.

Maybe it’s me.

2 thoughts on “Maybe Its Me

  1. You are a beautiful woman inside and out. Though the holidays may be hard it sure sounds like you have made some
    New abilities for memories. Never know maybe Santa has a big gift in his bag for
    You upcoming!

    Liked by 1 person

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